Bay Area friendships

I never thought that being in the socially isolated landscape of Columbia, Missouri would make me realize how limited Bay Area friendships are, but here I am. Where to start?

1. People are obsessed with resume oriented conversation. If you don't provide a answer that satisfies one of five categories in terms of what you do: law school, med school, consulting/i-banking/b-school, engineering, or the occasional wild-card category of enterprising travel blogger/start-up founder, you are shit out of luck. The stream of conversation following that will usually end in smug questions about what you really do and interrogation about your life plan in the event that your career choice doesn't work out. This does not make for satisfying social interaction.

2. Pursuing hobbies is considered a waste of time. Seriously. Anything I enjoy needs to be parlayed into a resume building exercise... running marathons? Great to demonstrate stamina and motivation. Travel? Proves you are an interesting person. I once finished a memoir that I self-published and had someone ask me what was the purpose unless I would actually publish it or use it towards building my future. Forget that I loved writing it. And I'm sure if I told people that I have recently resumed hobbies (since there is nothing else to do in Missouri) such as singing female barbershop with the Sweet Adelines chorus or making scrapbooks they would ask me why i was wasting so much time. I also think there are four acceptable categories of hobbies in the Bay area: 1) Triathlon 2)Rock-climbing 3)Cycling 4)Playing video games. Oh yea, and visiting places like Las Vegas, San Francisco, or Los Angeles to prove you are an interesting, active person with lots of interesting, active friends.

3. Establishing relationships is also considered a waste of time. I actually think Midwesterners have it right in this regard-- their love and priority for family has a noticeably stabilizing presence in their lives, one that I have come to cherish and respect. If you prioritize a loving, doting boyfriend in the Bay Area it is considered a sign of weakness. And if you prioritize your friends... you are labeled self-indulgent.

I have vowed never to raise a family in the Bay Area-- the futility and emptiness of the culture is something I will never subject my children to. I don't think I've even met people over the age of 50 in the Bay Area... how can you possibly age gracefully by continuing to adhere to this mentality.

4. Presenting a surface level happiness is equated with success. If you display any sign of frustration, anger, sadness, guilt, anxiety, etc. etc. you put yourself at risk of losing social capital. This inevitably has a neutering effect on your personality. Since life is naturally filled with frustration and pain (and if its not, you are probably stagnating normal development... another point I will hit soon) it would make sense to feel some of these emotions. The pressure to maintain a placid appearance inevitably forces you to reduce Bay Area friends to activity partners-- people who you pass the time with but not really people you can trust will maintain respect for you if you are entirely honest. It is refreshing to be able to discuss normal emotions with people in Missouri (especially since it is fairly difficult to maintain an artificial appearance of happiness in the face of snowstorms, tornado warnings, humidity, etc.).

5. People act like they are 15. Do people actually develop in the Bay Area?

In sum, a place that encourages you to denigrate family, hobbies, emotions, and interests outside of aforesaid areas is a place that has a stagnating effect on personality and efforts to attain true joy or happiness. What is the point of life then if the very things that make us human and make life worth living for are denigrated? If you are a dorky engineer/programmer who is content with reaching middle management and doggedly pursuing rock-star status as the next Google co-founder this is the place for you (even though achieving the status is probably harder than getting into the NFL). Good luck to you.